Tuesday, March 3, 2009

You know, your whatever-you-call-it

Amelia says -

I’m talking about the names we call our junk. Men and women both.

I had some friends over the other day and we were talking about vibrators (ie: the beaver … for your beaver …) and everything else girly and / or sexual. And we realized that we all call our junk some very different names. I have a twat. Sometimes it’s a hoo ha. Or a wazo. Depends on my mood. And I don’t really care what you’ve named your sexy bits but I do care that certain precautions are taken in choosing the name.

The va-j.j.
It’s not a thoroughfare or a tunnel. It’s not a receptacle. Please stop calling it your mail slot or garage. It has a function and when I think about mine, I prefer not to think about it solely in terms of how YOU would use it.

It doesn’t have teeth. I prefer not to think of it as an animal (specifically a beaver – which is the bane of all tree-shaped objects coming its way)

Because it is *edible, you may also name it after food. Men may also name their schlongs after food (ie: the dong becomes a ding-dong). But be careful which type of food you name it after: Fish? No
Taco? Let's think about it - hot, ok. meaty, maybe. juicy, sloppy, slipping out all over the place? I hate to break it to you guys, but most girls don't come that way (pardon the pun). In sum, no.
Muffin - fine.
Do you see the difference?

Your dong.
Most guys call it something reminiscent of a conqueror. A soldier. It has a helmet. A purple headed yogurt slinger, cock (the proudest of the barnyard animals). Either way, it is to be respected. But every time you use it, you cannot always conquer. That would make you a rapist. (Which you do not want to be ... did I have to spell that out for you?)

Some guys call it their rod - and yes, it's like fishing when you randomly point it around hoping for a bite. So fine.

Some names come with ego attached. "Love stick" would be one of them. It's not love. It's sex. I may not now or ever love you. I hope your wounded ego does not take too long to heal.

Or they simply call it *insert his name here* junior.

For the most part though, men tend to use more positive terms to refer to their wangs while women and men both sometimes use derogatory names for vaginas.

Slight tangent, most of us do not call it a vagina. My sister was in the movie store one night and saw the Vagina Monologues on the shelf. Confused, she yelled across the store "hey! What's a vageena? Vageena? ... oh crap. nevermind"

Back to the important stuff ... do you see where I’m going?
My junk is just as significant and important as yours. Get it, or get out.

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