Monday, September 21, 2009

That's what he said

Amelia says -

You’re very cute when you’re tired and sleepy.
You’re like air. And some people think there’s nothing there but it’s everything and it’s so easy it can’t be anything but comfortable. You’re it.
I could say you’re like water but I don’t feel like I have to work at swimming with you, I just have to be and I love that.
You’re beautiful.
I want to eat you all day but my stomach will never get full. I always want more.
I don’t seem to be able to get enough of you.
I want to sleep with you just so I can wake up beside you.
Every little thing I do is much more fun with you. You’re a box of fantastic surprised!
It seems my heart beats a tiny bit faster when I think of you.
You don’t have to bring anything as long as you don’t forget to bring yourself.

Friday, September 18, 2009


Ava says...

You know that feeling you get when you kiss him for the first time? Or when his hand "accidentally"grazes yours even though you know he was just trying to hold your hand and chickened out? Or when he looks at you and you can’t seem to stop smiling? It sort of feels like you need to vomit or that there are hundreds of fluttering butterflies taking refuge in your stomach. It might not sound all that appealing when describing it in words but really there’s nothing like it and no one should settle for anything less than vomit-inducing butterflies.

It's hard to keep that feeling alive when you're in a long-term relationship. I was in a very (accent on the very), long term relationship and the butterflies disappeared far earlier than expected. It was my first relationship so really, I assumed it's just what happens when you stay with someone for so long. Don't get me wrong, I loved him very much but he was my first love and because I didn't have anything to compare him to, I figured it was normal. On the flipside, I've been dating my current boyfriend for just over a year now and still feel nauseous every time he touches me. This is the way it should be. Those butterflies are a surprisingly important part of a relationship. Your senses are heightened. Every touch, every kiss is just better. Every experience is special, they stay with you far longer and are the subject of many day dreams when you still have that feeling in the pit of your stomach. I can't believe I stayed in a relationship for so long without them.

Now I know all of you cynicists would argue that I could still be in the "honeymoon" stage with my current beau and that if I stick around long enough, those butterflies will flutter away also. Call me an optimist but I really don't think so. I have a fluttering feeling that those butterflies won't fly away anytime soon.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Anything But Love

Amelia says...

Do you know what an ABC party is? It's a party where you wear Anything But Clothes. I recently ended up at one of these parties in a recyclable grocery bag top and garbage bag skirt (talk about sweaty inside all that plastic). My accomplice - who I refer to as "Just Friends" - wore a potato sack, coming extremely close to revealing his nut sack. Not that I haven't seen it before. Once or twice, under 20 times, I swear. We're just friends. Who kiss in public when we're drunk and make out like 13 year olds when we're bored. But that's just to pass the time. I'm not into him - I don't have that feeling, that vibe, that thing that you can never put your finger on but makes the really special ones so flipping special ... we just have everything but. And really, so long as it's anything but, and within reasonable limits, bring it on.

I went to eat Mexican food last night with a photographer pilot who changed our reservation from 6:30 to 7 without making sure I got the message that he left on the cell phone I don't have. It started out really well, I was half in the bag when he finally showed up. And he just wasn't as cute as I'd thought he was, and he wasn't as laid back as I'd hoped, or as open minded as I'd like, or as funny as I was looking for. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this guy except for the fact that he was into me, tried to hold my hand, and took it as a good sign when I agreed that I would maybe answer the phone if he called me to ask me out again tomorrow. I have no idea why not, but there is no way I am going. No, you can't make me, I won't do it.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I practically have a relationship with a guy who I refuse to admit I practically have a relationship with. I go on dates with guys who I refuse to see the good in. You'd think I want to stay single and just be on my own right? Then why does my chest ache when I see sappy movies? And in India, why did I tie a red thread to a grate in a mosque and wish to find my person to be happy with forever? Why do I go to bed wishing I had someone in my bed to curl up against, to feel their warmth, their body, and to give the same sense of security back to? Why do I want to fall in love but refuse to do it?