Thursday, November 11, 2010

All Fo Sho'

I am in my big girl bed. I have my laptop balanced on my knees with a pile of papers surrounding me. I'm in my final year of law school, so there's this sense of peace and optimism about my life that I have never felt before. I get up in the mornings, make my green tea, get on the bus to go to school (with all these idiot teenagers), and I think "Yes! Hell yes. On my way to...Well, it doesn't matter where, but I'm on my way somewhere." I haven't felt this way in a long time.

Which has led to to this other area of my life that seems to be totally lacking in anything glittery and new. Yes ladies and gents (if there are any gents out there reading), it is my relationships or lack there of. I made an ode in second year that I wouldn't think about it. I wouldn't even touch that area of my mind that thought "Man...he is smokin' hot" because I went there. I went there, and I got burned (please see October of 2009 where I professed to a guy that I liked him and received a resounding "Are you serious? I don't feel the same way...Ummmm...." We haven't talked since).

The self-doubt was everywhere in 2009. It was about my hair, about my face, about my body, about my nose, about my teeth, about my (gulp!) personality. I decided that I needed to do a "man cleanse". I decided that I was done searching for someone and that it was time for HIM to search for ME.

Giving up was easy-it involved me turning inward. Not going out. Sitting at home watching re-runs of Fraiser, going on solitary walks, reading books, etc. But alas, being alone blows.

So, I decided to try the Mixers, the bar rights, etc. and my first experience was interesting...

I went to this little event called the "Med/Law Mixer." Basically a mixer for med and law hopes of creating the Crosby Show. It was not successful. But I haven't given up...So here I am putting it all out there for you to see!

Wish me luck.