Thursday, November 11, 2010

All Fo Sho'

I am in my big girl bed. I have my laptop balanced on my knees with a pile of papers surrounding me. I'm in my final year of law school, so there's this sense of peace and optimism about my life that I have never felt before. I get up in the mornings, make my green tea, get on the bus to go to school (with all these idiot teenagers), and I think "Yes! Hell yes. On my way to...Well, it doesn't matter where, but I'm on my way somewhere." I haven't felt this way in a long time.

Which has led to to this other area of my life that seems to be totally lacking in anything glittery and new. Yes ladies and gents (if there are any gents out there reading), it is my relationships or lack there of. I made an ode in second year that I wouldn't think about it. I wouldn't even touch that area of my mind that thought "Man...he is smokin' hot" because I went there. I went there, and I got burned (please see October of 2009 where I professed to a guy that I liked him and received a resounding "Are you serious? I don't feel the same way...Ummmm...." We haven't talked since).

The self-doubt was everywhere in 2009. It was about my hair, about my face, about my body, about my nose, about my teeth, about my (gulp!) personality. I decided that I needed to do a "man cleanse". I decided that I was done searching for someone and that it was time for HIM to search for ME.

Giving up was easy-it involved me turning inward. Not going out. Sitting at home watching re-runs of Fraiser, going on solitary walks, reading books, etc. But alas, being alone blows.

So, I decided to try the Mixers, the bar rights, etc. and my first experience was interesting...

I went to this little event called the "Med/Law Mixer." Basically a mixer for med and law hopes of creating the Crosby Show. It was not successful. But I haven't given up...So here I am putting it all out there for you to see!

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

To cheat or not to cheat?

Ava says...

Is it crazy for a woman to ask the question, "is it ever okay to cheat?" Don't get me wrong, things are still peachy in my paradise but I've always pondered whether there are situations where cheating can be justified or forgiven. Are you unhappy in the relationship? Having trouble communicating? Had one too many margaritas that night? Are these reasons cause for justification? For "forgiveness?" I guess that's debatable. Do we forgive and forget solely because of that age old fear that we just don't want to be alone....don't want to single.....again? I would lean towards this option. Maybe it's easier to try and rebuild the broken trust because it's harder or more stressful to find someone new.

I've been cheated on. It was the worst feeling in the world knowing your man has been intimate with another while claiming to love you. You want details; how he touched them, did he kiss them the way he kisses you, did she cum? The level of trust you two once had is broken and it's really up in the air whether you'll get it back again. I forgave...I "forgot", but is it ever the same after the damage has been done?

What's worse?

Everyone's heard the argument of physical cheating vs. emotional cheating. Is one harder to move on from than the other? On the one hand, it was only sex. On the other hand, why did it have to happen in the first place?? Was I not enough? Did I not give him enough? yada yada. On the flipside emotional cheating is having genuine feelings for someone other than your current partner. I've been the cheated and it's been physical.....I moved on (tried to move on). It was only sex, I can forgive that. People make mistakes yada yada. However I'm thinking the emotional cheater would be more difficult to forget. Having real emotions for another person behind the back of the one you claim to love...I can't imagine how awful that would feel.

Am I just naive? Can you ever really forget something like that? I could count my blessings and say that he wasn't in love with any of them. But there's the rub; if he was only in love with me then why get your hands dirty in the first place?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Dear People In Relationships...

Anna says...
Dear People In Relationships (excluding lovely Ava and Amelia),

Please stop inviting me to things involving your boyfriends or girlfriends. Yes, yes, I know it's their birthday and it's the VERY last time night they will EVER be 25...but, to be honest with you, I'd rather shove a toothpick in my eye that catch a glimpse of you and your bf/gf making out or licking eachother while I try to enjoy my eighth martini of the evening.

And! While, I'm writing this little note to you...I'd appreciate it (sincerely and deeply) if you would refrain from speaking about said bf/gf to me every time I run into you or speak to you on the phone. Honestly, I don't want know how hot the sex is (it really doesn't help when you're not getting some), or the fact that she's not spending enough time with you (might I suggest getting your own life?). And, just to let you know, when you say "God, I'm talking so much about him. I'm sorry..." your subconcious is giving you a signal to shut the fuck up. Follow it. For the sake of my sanity.

Also, would you mind not giving me sympathetic glances while you cuddle on the couch? I mean, I'm really, REALLY trying to hold back the urge to pour my red wine all over your white see-through blouse and literally jab the jagged edges of my broken wine glass at your boyfriend's neck.

While I'm at it, can I also inform you that the "Oh, you're leaving already" remarks at 2:00 AM make me want to scream. As much I LOVE and I mean LOVE hearing about your Euro-trash friends and your Euro-trash music, I would rather be sleeping or chugging sambuca straight from the bottle.

So, friends in relationships, although I know how much you just LOVE getting together for large gatherings of ALL your closest friends (where the single people in the room stare awkwardly at the interesting cracks in the walls while you give eachother handjobs under the table) please don't invite me. Really. I mean, come to think of it, you would be saving YOURSELVES the trouble! I mean, I tend to drink and stuff my face quite a bit when I feel uncomfortable, so just think of the money you'd be saving in booze and food alone.



P.S. Do you mind forwarding this to your friends too? It really would save me the trouble.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Quick Coffee With Anna @ Starbucks.

Anna says...
I'm at Starbucks at the moment...10 minutes until class starts. I'm sipping a venti Passion Fruit tea on a leather couch. It's cold. I wish that I had an enormous throw to cover myself in because on a fall day like today...that's totally what a person needs...a warm blanket and something hot to drink. That's all I've got for erotica over here! I suffer from no imagination. It kind of sucks.

This past week has been a haze of assignments, mid-terms and sweat. I haven't much time to think of relationships (which is a good thing because at this point the entire prospect makes me depressed).

I had a meeting with a lawyer recently who talked about non-traditional legal careers. I was expecting her to tell all of us that there are other things you can do with a law join the circus...but really her whole message was "Bury yourself into your work. Become the law. Join every committee and say yes to every opportunity." So. I've decided to (attempt!) put sleep aside and get out there and meet new people. Will this get me a date? I have no idea. But perhaps the key is to stop looking and something will come along all on its own.

Ta for now. Off to sit through a three hour class (while sipping my tea...basically the highlight of my day!).