Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'll bet you taste delicious

*image courtesty of

Amelia says -

Being sexual is so hard. You must be visually stunning. And witty-intelligent-laid back-hilarious. Your voice must not be grating. You must have the softest skin possible, the sharpest curves (isn’t that an oxymoron?) imaginable, zero body hair, and the sexiest eye to hair to rosy cheek to full lips ratio you can manage. You must smell sexy. You can choose whether you want to smell like food (mmm … vanilla), cleanliness (ie: chemical perfumes) or B.O. Which one will you choose? And like a newly cleaned and impossible to maintain home you must be flawless and spotless at all times. People must be able to take you in with all their senses and be pleased by all sensory experiences of you and your goodness. Being sexual is HARD.

And people are often disappointed. I remember when I met my current boyfriend he told me that his last girlfriend called him the Candy Man. Don’t worry, he didn’t say this on our first date or anything but while we were still in the getting-to-know-you stages. I asked why. He said she told him that his ejaculate tasted like candy. He said this boastfully. Proudly. He lied.

Moving on.

At my birthday party someone asked me why I didn’t drink caesars. I said “I think they taste disgusting”. Defensively, he said “you taste disgusting”. Realizing it was my birthday - the day when one cannot be put down - he corrected himself saying “I’m kidding. I bet you taste delicious”. This was quickly followed by him blushing when he realized how sexual a comment that could be. Did I believe him? Who am I kidding? I taste like people. Skin and soap and well … skin.

Just the other day I was joking around with my boyfriend who was eating kippers. They stink up the whole house. And definitely stink up his breath. I kissed him and then said “yuck. Your lips smell like fish”. Can you see where I’m going? If you know how goofy I am you might guess that I followed that up with “I have to lips that probably smell like fish sometimes”. Did I go too far? I can tell you, that is the direct opposite of sexy. But got me a laugh. Which I might value more than an up and down body ogling. You know why? Because once you’re sexy you have to stay sexy. And sexy, is hard work.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I know how goofy you are
    I think you are over-complicating things just a little :P !!

    Umm..would have to disagree with the taste thing.. but everyone has their own idea of what tastes good, aside from the stimulus of different substances on the taste buds, taste is partiallially psychological / mental!!