Thursday, February 26, 2009

Val-i-dation come on!

Amelia says -

Guys watch porn. Some of us ladies watch it too. It is probably the number 1 most common form of fantasy we indulge in. I like to indulge a little differently.

I’m an innocent flirt. I can’t always even think of another way to interact with people - male or female. I pick up on what kind of person they are, tell them what they want to hear, smile, blush … Don’t get me wrong. You step on my toes and I’ll drive them up your ass. I’m not a pushover. Just flirty.

So every once in a while a guy friend who knows me well knows that on a bad day, talking with me can be a bit of a pick me up. I might make this guy who is down in the dumps feel like the king of his castle again. And no, I’m not doing this selflessly - and YES, I do think we should think more highly of all the different kindnesses we bestow on each other and I do not think I should be judged for the specific type of kindness I sometimes impart on those around me. What do I get out of it? Funny thing about favours, they’re often returned.

It’s absolutely validating to have guys flirt with me whether I am interested in them or not. And it seems to make my current relationship stronger. Because I am capable of fulfilling my own needs if my beau is not available. It’s like respite. When he can’t handle the job, someone else just takes over for a bit. On a bad day, when my brain isn’t functioning properly and cannot seem to understand that I am strong, beautiful, intelligent, creative and wonderful, it will easily settle for being convinced that I am attractive - sexy even - witty and desirable. Who doesn’t want to hear that they’re alluring? If you don’t, tell me now so I can call your boyfriend or girlfriend and assure them that you never want to hear it again.

The only problem is, when you indulge in fantasy with someone else, you are not the head honcho in charge anymore. Most of the time, I can deal with that. I like sharing, and I’m not really that into power in the first place.

But you see, this one time, my normal go to fantasy lad was out at a party. He went home drunk and does what every inebriated slightly geeky person would do. He checked his face book. And low and behold, I was online. And he hadn’t had any action in a while.

“sayhh somtin sexy” came up on my screen. Thinking it was a joke, I said “something sexy”. Then, still in a joking mood, I told him I was scantily clad. He responded, telling me what he was imagining himself doing to me. I had somehow accidentally stumbled upon my first experience with cyber sex. Like any first timer, I was a little unsure of what to do next. Still not positive whether or not it was a joke but absolutely sure it was at least humorous and would make a good story, I told him what I would do next. That’s about as far as my power to control the situation lasted. Rather than having an amusing or titillating experience at all, I spent most of the evening responding with “No no no, that’s not the kind of sex I’m having” “Nope, I’m not doing that” and “Stop telling me I’m in ecstasy, I hate to break it to you but I’m not”.

I managed to return from fantasy land mostly unscathed, slightly disappointed and wondering if I needed to take a shower. I haven’t given up on it’s appeal as a vacation destination but the thing about vacations is, they lose their shine if taken too frequently. I’m thinking I’ll put my bags away and stay grounded for a while.

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