I have always been Ms. Independent. I've gone through all the exercises: going to movies by myself, eating by myself, cooking for myself, going for walks by myself...Recently, I was chatting with a friend about wanting to go to Europe. He said something like: "I can see you going by yourself. You seem really independent and it would seem like something that I could see you do." At first I was flattered. So many young women these days constantly need someone by their side to do the most mundane tasks-getting coffee, eating, going to parties...I have mastered independence. I am sure that (minus my immediate family) I could do anything by myself and not even think twice about it.
But then I started to think...was this even a choice? Maybe I'm independent because I have been forced to be independent. I left off my last post thinking about what God would want. I should emphasize that I am not the Godliest of people-I drink, swear a blue streak, hate (most people), call people douche bags on a regular basis... But being single is like fighting against yourself and the world. You go through phases where you hate yourself and just want to know-what the hell is the matter with me?!?!? You go through phases where you think you are hot shit and everyone is starring at you because you look that good! You go through phases where your insecurity start to make you feel like you are not worthy to be loved by anyone. I've found that everything that happens in your life is meant to teach you something. This isn't some Christian principal...I mean, it's what my yoga teacher tells us everyday. My not 'being' with someone has taught me to be strong and independent and never to rely on someone to make myself feel secure in who I am.
This little tidbit of awareness taught me something very valuable...don't force a relationship.
I went through a phase about 5 years ago where everyone of my girl friends were dating. Eventually, some friends thought it would be awesome to set me up on a blind date.
Tip #1: Ladies...do not set your girl friends up with random guys that you met once and barely know. Can you say awkward situation?
So, being naive and 'spontaneous' I decided (against better judgment) that I would do 'er up. I would go out on a date this with guy and he would (OBVIOUSLY) fall in love with me and we would be planning our dream wedding within the year. HA!
I met him at Earls with another friend so that it wouldn't seem too awkward. We sat across from eachother and man, he was cute. He had deep blue eyes and a really awesome accent (South African). He was funny and intelligent....but, to be honest...not my type (wasn't the manliest guy on the planet). Anyways, at that point I was willing to compromise-test the waters...(you can't always judgment a book by it's cover...blah, blah, blah). It was a good dinner...I think I had a Caeser salad and he had some pasta dish.
Anyways. it was my birthday and (being the social butterfly I am) I had plans to sit in someone's basement until 4:00 AM watching MuchMusic. We said our goodbyes....
Three weeks later (about) I had heard NOTHING back from the friend that had attempted to set us up.
Tip #2: If you are setting someone up on a date ladies...how about being honest? How about bring it up before your girl friend has a panic attack and decides that she's going to cyber stalk him for two weeks straight...
Eventually, I asked. Turns out the guy was a bigot. Yup. They still exist in 2009. Apparently, my friends had got him drunk at which point he started to spew all this garbage about NEVER dating ANYONE outside the WHITE RACE. Blah, blah, blah. Funny thing is...my girl friend REMAINED FRIENDS WITH HIM (they're actually friends to this day!). Needless to say, SHE was dumped from my roster.
I think I was traumatized by that experience. I never EVER thought that the colour of my skin would be a hinderance to my 'dateability' up until that point. Something that I (again, up until that point) did not even notice! I stopped trying after that. If that was the way it was going to be, then I don't want to play anymore. I have me, myself and I.
Things got better. I started running into tons of interracial couples, which made me think...okay...the MODERN, DECENT man is out there...somewhere.
The thing is...I haven't been on a 'date' since. Yup. Honestly is embarassing and painful...but there you go.
Tip#3: Don't be like Anna.