Club Med

Anna says...
Lots of shit to get through...so...here goes.

Today is the Med Law Mixer. Yes, it is a way in which busy people get to know equally busy people with the intent that *hopefully* they will hook up and become resentful of eachother. I know, I know...does it seem like my bittnerness is coming out just a little too much these days? Honestly though, I know what this entire night is going to be like and by telling you I am hoping that itwon't turn out this way...

It will begin with me getting ready to go out. Black long sleeve with dark blue jeans. Putting on my makeup...foundation, lipstick, eyeshadow. Doing my hair...unleashing the ponytail and spraying it with hairspray so that it resembles something in nature. Thinking to myself..."Damn. Not bad." Walking....in my enormous black down jacket to the bar/coffee shop where this 'meeting of the minds' will occur. Feeling...sweaty and thanking myself for having the sense to wear black to avoid pit stains. Feeling...excited and anxious. Could this be the night where I meet him? Tonight? I end up seeing a couple of people I don't recognize on the dance floor...cute guys. Hot guys. Guys. I want to say something...to mingle, but I don't have the nerve. So, I sit down at a table with some girls in my year. We have a couple of drinks. I finally get the nerve to try to bust a move, and as I turn around....WHAM! Big tits and blonde is grinding up against hottie #1. Small tits and brunette is grinding up against hottie #2. Big ass and big tits is grinding up against hottie #3. Skinny skank is grinding up against hottie #4 AND hottie #5 (ladies, I regret using the word 'hottie' five times in a row...I'm quite aware that it is a riduclous word). I start realizing that I am nothing in comparision to these girls. I go back to the people at my table, chat with them for a little bit. Decide to call it a night and go home to watch The Office. I have to get up early...to study...you see.

This is a trap that I'm in. But secretly (shhhh...don't tell anyone), even though my mind is CERTAIN that this is exactly how the night will progress...something in me (my heart? hormones? biological clock?) says..."This could be it Anna" this could be the night that you find the love of your life because he'll see past your curly black hair and your 'not-so' current style and he'll be drawn to you-he'll see you for who you wish you could be. That girl that he was just dancing with, he'll smile at her and walk away...

Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it something that is just so inherent in us women that no matter how 'confident' and 'independent' we are, and no matter how we say "I don't need a guy!" there's this 'tickle' deep inside of us that craves for a love story...or in my case, mutual affection (and I'm not even talking his-and-her bath towels here). It's torture. It's what causes us the most pain when we walk home by ourselves and crawl into bed...because you realize for the 24th year of your existence that you will be alone-and so you start putting up the shield-"I DON'T NEED ANYONE!" while you swallow the lump in your throat.

Couples don't get it...Only singles do. I think I've heard every cliche in the book..."Your time will come," "I know it seems stupid, but they're right when they say you're time will come." "I know how you feel." "When you are not looking for it, you'll find him." "My boyfriend thinks your cute." "If I was a lesbian, I'd date you..." "The person you're waiting for is going to be EXTRA-SPECIAL."

Pardon my language, but fuck you (I told you I'm a compulsive swearer). If I hear one more cliche I will literally pour battery acid over the happily married/long term relationship bitch who says that to me.

So much for a positive attitude....