Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The girl who never liked/lusted/loved

Amelia says -

Once upon a time there was a girl. She grew up in the middle of a city in the middle of a country in the middle of the world. Or so she thought. Turn the globe a bit and she's only on the periphery. She was perfect in every way. She had 10 little fingers and toes, all in the right places. 2 ears. 1 nose. A perfect easily given smile. Her mother was so happy to have her come into the world after a perfect labour and her waist line snapping back to a perfect size 6. Her father was imperfect - that slobbery, mangy, drunken bastard - so he was pushed out of the picture. But what nobody realized was that the girl wasn't quite as perfect as she seemed. She was just a little bit broken. And nobody really knew just what was broken either because no one can seem to determine whether we love from our heads or our hearts. But she couldn't love. She was made happy by gifts but they were quickly forgotten. She welcomed the attention and care she was lavished with but would not return favors with kind words, smiles, hugs or kisses. She laughed at the misfortune of others and could not understand just what kindness was made of.

This girl (let's call her Hita) grew into a beautiful young woman. Like a magnet, she drew every young man to her. They tried to woo her with presents, kindnesses, talent, bravado, culinary skills, mastery of the fine arts of knitting, skateboarding and composting ... all to no avail. what they did not understand was, she did not know how to love, lust or even love.

Through no fault of her own (how could someone so beautiful be at fault for anything?) she 'found' herself to be pregnant. And she began to grow in a new way. When the baby came, she too was beautiful but Hita did not know how to care for someone. She did not understand why she should be kind. She could not love the baby and she could not understand why she should stay in contact with the baby's father. He just wouldn't go away. So she killed him in his sleep. In court, she would not appologize no matter how hard his family cried or how often her lawyer told her it was in her best interest. She could not understand how two words could help anyone and she did not want to help in the first place. Deciding there was no hope for her, they had her sent to a psychiatric ward where she was chained to a bed, force fed through a tube and was rarely, if ever, bathed. No staff could stand her. She was so ungrateful and they could only conclude that she was egotistical, rude, uncivilized and boorish. Her beauty faded. She was neglected more and more frequently. She died in the afternoon with food on her chin, her hair in tangles, and her sheets full of filth.

And that, Anna dear, is what happens when you don't like, lust or love.

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